Submit Your Funny
In the spirit of “smiling through recession” I’m inviting all of you — my now loyal friends and fans — to share your funny with us. How you ask? It’s simple. Really simple. Like heating Pop Tarts in the microwave simple. I’m talking simple.
Step one: Have an open mind.
Step two: Have two open eyes (squinting, half-cocked and winking also accepted).
Step three: Keep your cell phone camera locked-n-loaded.
Step four: Find the funny.
Step five: Take a photo of said funny (don’t worry, you won’t lose points for lack of style or fuzziness – I work in Photoshop the way others do fine pastels).
Step six: Email your funny to Kelsey.
Step seven: Sit back and await your tasty “Webie World” treat. I guarantee that you will never be disappointed.
See? I told you this was simple. Kind of makes you want a warm Pop Tart, doesn’t it?
Now then, let’s get down to ‘bidness. If you choose to send me a photo to share with the masses, there are a few simple rules. I know, I know…I hate rules too but a gal’s gotta protect herself from possible defamation of character lawsuits. It’s a shame, I agree. So in order to keep it funny and fun, please make note:
1. Please keep all submissions a PG-13 rating or lower. It doesn’t take much for me to “find the funny” so it doesn’t have to be all hangin’ out there, if ya know what I mean.
2. Feel free to send me funny things you find while surfing the internet. You can either send me the web site’s address with a description of what to look for – or – send me a direct link to the funny.
3. If you want me to credit your submission (and who doesn’t want to be featured in my blog??) please be sure to include your name when emailing me. I’ll just use first names so don’t feel as if you need to give me your whole life story, I’m not here to do an anal probe – unless you are into that sort of thing. Even so, it’s gonna cost you extra.
4. That being said in #3, if you want to remain “a-nameless-funny-finder” that’s ok too. Just be sure to let me know that when emailing me.
5. Ok, now pay attention, this one is the BIG DADDY. Please only send me photos that you have the legal rights to. If the original belongs to someone other than you please do not submit it on their behalf without their permission. I’m not trying to be difficult, I’m just trying to uphold the law.
Snavity – I am “doing” a white-paper on SEO for a client, and am reading about Google Algorithms, so I am putting some sites to the test to see how they rank. I started placing random words into google to see where they are gathering their content and placed in “webie gal” since I read about 4 minutes worth of your blog today… You’re #1 in the list – just thought you would find some satisfaction that nobody within the Oracle’s reach is known as webie gal like you.
W2YM
It’s all part of the master plan Javi. First: the license plate. Second: social media space infiltration. Third: webie gal’s reality show. Last: TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION!
wtYOURm
Excuse me webiegal….I submitted my funny to you last week for Hump Day and got nothing. Nada. Zero. Zilch. So I am going to have to refrain from submitting any additional FUNNY until my last one is utilized in the manner for which it was intended.
Pipe down. You’ll get your spotlight.
Random thoughts from 25-35 year olds
[Hilarious forward from my friend Christina.]
Edit1: Please contribute via comments & I will add.
Edit2: Apparently, many of these originated from Aaron Kao’s hilarious site, Ruminations.
Random thoughts from 25-35 year olds - I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option. -More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me. -Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong. -I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need to drink to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they’ve invented the lighter? -Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk. -That’s enough, Nickelback. -I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger. -Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with? -Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft. -There is a great need for sarcasm font. -Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it. -I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it. -How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? -I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. - I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. -The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text. - A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it. - LOL has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”. - I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. - Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying. - Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”. - How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said? - I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers! - Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using ‘as in’ examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss’s last name to an attorney and said “Yes that’s G as in…(10 second lapse)..ummm…Goonies” -What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other? - While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and i nstinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart. - MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. - Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. - I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water. -Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. -I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired. - Bad decisions make good stories -Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do! - Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year? -If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible. -Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem…. -You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day. -Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection. -There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far. -I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to. - “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever. -I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’ -I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away? - I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. -When I meet a new girl, I’m terrified of mentioning something she hasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking. -I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes. -Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles… - As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. -Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. -It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood. -I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. -Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn’t know what do to with it. -Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time… -My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day “Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?” How the hell do I respond to that? -It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text. -I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit. -I think the freezer deserves a light as well. -I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
Thank you, Samuel, for the single longest blog-post reply in the history of WordPress. After my emergency eye appointment to help stop the bleeding, I will be sure to come by your place to drop off the bill as a “thank you” in person.
I’m all about building relationships.
Had a shit day? Here’s a lil inspiration — if these jackasses can make some dough, then there’s no reason we can’t be millionaires… PS – The whole google posting above was DAmato – he just stole the whole “Snavity” thing from me and now it is labeled the Rican Suave – pretty upset, I’m just sayin.
http://www.businesspundit.com/pole-dancing-doll-yep-its-really-for-kids/
wait – I think it was me, or did you tweak me out? I am having a bit of mem loss!