Talk amongst yourselves…

March 24, 2009

I get lots of fan mail here in Webie World and while most of it is positive – “Go funny girl!”, “Made me laugh out loud”, “I Expect reimbursement for new underwear purchased” – I do get some nasty-grams – “You suck bimbie gal”, “Funny is as stupid does”, “You’re so gonna get fired”.  I don’t care.  If I only wanted to hear good things about myself I wouldn’t be doing this.  Besides, nothing will ever be worse than the 8th grade.  Nothing like having a mondo-crush on the cutest guy in class only to be publicly humiliated by the stupidest guy in it.  Whatever.  The cute guy probably ended up impotent due to prescription drug abuse and the stupid one is most likely in Congress.

My favorite kind of mail comes in the form of a question.  You all have such imaginations and I get a kick out of pretending to be a contestant on Jeopardy when I sit down to answer them.  I often use my “Sean Connery voice” in my head (sometimes out loud, if I’m feeling extra sassy).  I’m all fired up now — “I don’t remember the rest but your mother’s a whore!” — so let’s get started.

Hi webie girl. What do you do?

Apparently you either A) don’t read my blog on a regular enough basis or B) don’t read my blog at all and just felt compelled to spam me so that you feel more important.  Either way, I don’t care.  Thanks for the email!

Web gal, what is your favorite web site?
That’s easy – weather.com.  For fun, I like to type in random numbers and see what ZIP code gets assigned to me and then laugh at the shitty weather those folks are having.  I’ve decided that it must really suck to live in Boise, Idaho.

I think you are an idiot.
What is; tell me how you really feel Frank Muston?  Ooops.  Did I just use your real name??  I’m such and idiot.

Can you put up a link to my blog on yours please?
I’m thinking about it.  It really all depends on whether or not your blog is funny.  Or cute.  Or interesting.  Or something that I feel like doing.  Or something I can even figure out how to do.  Did you read my RSS feed debacle?  You might want to go ask someone else.

I think you are a great writer.  Where did you study?

Thanks.  I do pride myself on being rather gifted when it comes to the written word.  I owe my talents to years of taking phone orders while working in restaurants.  You’d be surprised how much fun you can have with a kitchen staff that speaks almost no English.

Aren’t you afraid that people will judge you for the things that you say?
Not really.  But I do judge you for asking me this question.

Hello webie gal!!!  What do you like to do for fun????

Well, let’s see!!!  It all depends on what kind of mood I’m in, you know??????  Sometimes I enjoy going out and being social!!!!!  Other times I like to be low-key and spend a quiet night in!!!!  You see?????  It just all depends!!!!!

HA! I think you’re a hack and your site is lame.  Peace!
You just might be onto something.  It will be a lot of fun hacking into your email account later and sending a bunch of things out to people in your address book.  I bet you wish you hadn’t told your “bro” about the nasty rash you had on your balls a few months back now, huh?  HA!  I’m such a hacker.  OUT!


One comment

  1. Wow..I didn’t realize that my comment to you of “I think you are an idiot” would be used as an example. I should be ashamed of myself…maybe…well, not really…

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