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The standard H…

March 25, 2009

I’m really having fun with this blog.  Mostly because I really enjoy talking to myself.  I know, I know…there are hundreds of you out there everyday (you guys ROCK!) that are logging and and stopping over to see what Kelsey is up to.  Believe me, I love that.  But when I sit down to post something I really don’t think about it that way.  If I did – I probably wouldn’t ever be able to pee again.  Too many people watching.

I’ve always been an honest person.  It’s something I most admire in other people.  Let’s be honest…if all I ever wanted was my butt licked and my ego stroked I’d get a Golden Retriever and a jar of Skippy.  I have enough shit to clean up in one day so I’ll stick to brutal honestly.  From looking at the stats I can see my approach is striking a cord with many of you.  Well, that and the person out there who Googled *crapping techniques*.  Whoever you are – I hope I was able to help.

Now that this blog is really up and getting a hummer I want to branch out a bit.  Wait.  Sit back down…stop slamming your hands on the keyboard and screaming “WHY??  Why are you doing this to me??  Why do you HATE ME!?!?” I’m not going to stop bringing the funny so relax.  Funny is what I do, it’s what I know, it’s what I live for.  Even if I were blogging about Arctic baby seal slaughter I would find a way to make SOMETHING funny.  Red snow jokes never go out of style.  Am I right?  Huh?  HUH??

Because you guys are all so fantastic – I want to give you a little something.  Yep, that’s right.  It’s like senior day at Kohl’s except you don’t have to be wearing an adult diaper to be eligible.  What’s the occasion?  Really, do I need to have one?  Nope.  Check out the marquee — this is my world grandma.  But since I know how much people love to celebrate meaningless holiday’s and blow-hard anniversaries, I’ll give you one.  Earlier today I overcame the demon and kicked my RSS feed’s “I’m-too-smart-for-you-bitch” ass.  Little f*cker.  I kicked it so hard that the icon swelled up to 10x what I think is a visually acceptable amount.  Yep.  It’s gawdy but I’m keeping it.  Again, my world granny.

world_domination2In celebration I’m offering a “Total World Domination” t-shirt to anyone who subscribes to my RSS feed*.  Now that’s a “SHAM-WOW!” offer you can’t refuse.  Huh?  HUH??

*One t-shirt per subscriber while supplies last.  Supplies may be limited.  Offer not valid online.  Void where prohibited by law (which includes all 50 states, Washington D. C. and Canada).

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