Archive for April, 2009

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Shit for brains…

April 28, 2009

I’m finally getting the hang of Twitter.  Now that I don’t use it soley for the purpuse of telling anyone who will listen “what I’m doing” and instead share more along the lines of “what I’m thinking” it’s all making sense.  I’ve heard my work neighbor describe it as a *mico-blog* numerous times and it’s just now clicked.  Why should I spend hours posting on this blog when I can express myself in 140 charaters or less?  With tiny URLs included at no extra charge!  FTW!

Funny story to add.  Or maybe not so much funny as interesting.  Or maybe no so interesting at all.  I mistyped the address when logging into Twitter tonight and got a maybe-no-one-will-notice-it’s-not-the-real-thing Twitte.  ‘Twit’ is right.

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I need a staple gun…

April 24, 2009

I’m the first to admit it – I’ve been a bitch this week.  It’s pretty hard to bring the funny when you feel like punching everyone within 3 feet of you in the face.  Why?  Those who know me well would tell you that I have these swings – squeaky chains and all.  Pile on kids, hubs, dog, cat, fish-that-refuses-to-die, work, bad hair days, Websense software (can’t a gal enjoy a little homestarrunner at the office?) and you’ve got yourself a person no one dares mess with.  I will tell you that by the end of the afternoon, things were looking up and my dark mood clouds were lifting.  Maybe it was because it’s Friday, or, it could have been my work neighbor spinnin’ the tunes as he does so often – and so well, or, it could be how shake-your-rump awesome the video that’s out on YouTube is.  What video?  The one where boys and girls go to their local Home Depot shake their rumps. Let’s be honest…you can’t buy that type of publicity.  Love it or hate it – people are talking about it. I’m just not so sure that I want to go into a store and see people doing it.  But I will admit, it’s the most gravity-defying-ass-shaking-action I’ve ever witnessed.  And take it from a gal who’s got plenty of rump – it’s pretty impressive.

>> Enjoy! <<

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Little pink bunnies piss me off…

April 23, 2009

Here’s how to start each day with a positive outlook:  I’ll use Timothy Geithner as example

1. Open a new file on your computer.

2. Name it “Timothy Geithner”

3. Send it to the Recycle Bin.

4. Click “Empty the Recycle Bin.”

5. Your PC will ask you: “Do you really want to get rid of ‘Timothy Geithner’?”

6. Firmly click “Yes”

*Thank you to the hubs for letting our son pee out in the front yard and allowing me to lift this without his permission from his Facebook notes.

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I’m back baby…

April 23, 2009

The picture message that re-inspired a blog:
04030919462

Ladies, this is what happens when you go off to work and leave the hubs in charge of raising the children.  The only thing that would make this scarier is if this were a picture of our daughter.

Everybody say it with me now — “niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice”.

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Ground beef smiley…

April 14, 2009

mud-maskThe hubs is getting pretty good at finding funny things.  Just last week we were at Walmart (the fateful trip that produced Barry’s Miata) and he noticed something on the clearance shelf.  I have to be honest, it actually took me a few seconds to *gasp* “find the funny” when he first proudly held it up as if it were his very first jock strap that he was big enough to finally fill out.  Once you look at the most awesome packaging it won’t take you long to see why I snapped the picture to share.  This midevil-torture-device-of-a mudmask is nothing short of horrifying.  There is no wonder it’s been tossed out to the clearance shelf like Miley Cyrus after sleeping with one of the Jonas Brothers.  Isn’t that impressive?  I actually am still somewhat hip enough to drop some oh-so-cool tween names into a pretty darn well structured sentence.  Never mind that the thoughts were splattered — if there’s anything I’ve learned from work, it’s all about the name dropping.

While the cover shot alone tells a thousand words:

“Molten pore cleansing action”
“Bilingual title confusion”
“Turning eyeballs inside out while simultaneously tossing a well balanced salad in your eye sockets”
“5 ounces of interrogation techniques torture”

I’ve decided to go the extra step and include the fine print that you can’t see.  I’m just good like that.

“Do not apply directly to the skin”
“May cause burning, swelling, peeling, cracking and redness”
“Wash skin immediately if exposed to glazing gel”
“Will cause blindness”
“Do not use if you suffer from any of the following symptoms: frequent nosebleeds, headaches, dizziness, dry and/or irritated eyes, skin rash, moderate to severe acne, constipation”
“Call poison control if swallowed” — something tells me that won’t be an issue.

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Well no wonder…

April 14, 2009

So I just remembered the song I was racking my brain trying to remember in my last post and come to find out — it’s Jamie Freakin’ Foxx too.  I guess that explains why his new song reminded me so much of his older song.  Slow Jamz by Twista.  In the mood for another, much more annoying and far less catchy, ear worm?  Ok.  But before you email me ugly hatered spew – you did this to yourself.

>> Enjoy! <<

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There he goes…

April 14, 2009

It’s been awhile since I’ve encountered a song that made me stop and think “WTF-ola?”.  As I recall it was back when I had the pleasure of hearing Hilary Duff butcher Depeshe Mode while enjoying a little last.fm during my work day.  That was a gruesome afternoon for sure.

Fast-forward a few weeks and I’m driving on a Sunday evening.  Usually I’m tuned to AM talk radio — I’m just that much of a party animal — but I happened to be listening to a top 40 station.  A song comes on that I’ve never heard before (due to my aforementioned obsession with AM stations) and it’s a throw back to a song I remember from earlier in the decade.  I’m racking my brain trying to think of the name but trust me, it reminds me of it.  It’s jumpy, mastered, mixed and the lyrics are kinda silly.  A little annoying but I’m drawn in and end up listening to the end to hear that it’s sung by Jamie Foxx.  My second “WTF-ola?” moment.  I’ve decided that I hate the song for no other reason than I can.  Problem is…I can’ t stop singing the f*cking thing!  It’s like a virus that’s gotten into my head and I find myself humming it while I go to the bathroom, check my email at the office, give my kids a bath, drift off to sleep at night.  Seriously.  This thing is S.T.U.C.K.  And for this reason I’ve now decided that I like it.

Fast-forward to this evening.  My blogging ritual begins with opening many tabs in Mozilla so that I can research facts and find links to share with you all about the things I have on my mind.  So, I Google this song and find the video on YouTube, of course.  I swear you can find just about anything on YouTube if you look hard enough.  Don’t believe me?  Do a search on “man taking a shit”.  Go on, I dare you.  See?  I’m nothing if not honest.  Anyway, so I end up finding this video and since I always want to make sure I’m providing my readers with the highest quality the web has to offer, I preview it.  Shit!  Now I like it EVEN MORE than I did before!  Why?  While I won’t give everything away before you click the link and see for yourself I will foreshadow:

Opie  |  Pulp Fiction |  Smokin’ hot gay cowboy  |  Lyrics that include the word “butt”  |  Oh-so-awesome monochromatic color scheme

>> Enjoy! <<