It’s not just for eggs anymore…

April 2, 2009

imageWe have lots of deep, thought provoking converstaions in my office.  When will we get new monitors?  Do you think there’s a dildo in that  filing cabinet?  How does the Flavia machine work?  Could we break this window with a desk chair? The list of topics is endless.  Today was one of those magical days – like when cupcakes show up in the break room (although you all know my rogue food policy) – when we got to talk about poop.  I know you all are thinking “doesn’t this chick talk about taking a dump just about everytime she opens her mouth?”  Surprisingly, no – so when the opportunity presents itself I don’t miss out.

One really does have to wonder how things get salmonella.  I mean, what in the world are those border-jumpers doing out in those fields to contaminate such a large quantity of food product?  The mind boggles but we tried to narrow it down to a few possible scenarios.

1. They have been reading my blog and now are enlightened on the proper crapping techniques.  I can see it now…fields upon fields of immigrant workers all “doing it caveman style” with the nice warm breeze gently caressing their cock & nuts.  You just don’t get that kind of life south of the border.

2. They still insist on using sub-standard farmer provided Port-O-Lets with urine soaked urinal cakes and half ply not-so-absorbent toilet paper.  Let’s be honest…anyone who’s been in New Orleans for Mardi Gras knows that their ain’t no hand soap – let alone running water – in order to clean up after “doin’ the ‘bidness” and wiping hands off on sweat soaked t-shirts and crusty unwashed tough skins just isn’t gonna cut it.

3. They have giant cock fighting rings to pass time between shifts.  Fowl are pretty foul and when they get to scrappin’ the shit flies everywhere.

We’re leaning towards #3.



  1. #2 just made me realize why I don’t go to those type of events!

  2. #2 reminds me why I carry wet wipes everywhere I go.

  3. So…? Do tell… Please… I must know… Was there a dildo in the filing cabinet???

  4. Noooooooooooo. Ooofffff cccooouuuurrseee nooootttttt ssssiiillllyy!!!!!!!

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