It’s a honey of an O…

April 5, 2009

I’m learning a lot about myself through parenting.  Mostly, that I’m not very funny at 3AM and I don’t find many things that are.  I would say that lack of sleep is the one thing I will never be able to turn into lemonade.  And let’s be honest…why would I want to?  Having kids sucks sometimes.  Sure I read some what could be considered “real” parenting books before I ever thought about getting pregnant.  And sure some of what was written was pretty close to how my life feels today.  But what no book can ever tell you is how YOU will react in the wake of barely getting 10 hours of sleep in 3 nights.  Oh yes…lack of good sleep is not just for newborns anymore.  Just when you think to yourself “we’re over the hump” is when the bottom falls out again.  How many ways are there for a non-newborn to wake you in the wee hours?

Let’s go over some:

– where the f*ck is that stupid-ass binkie?? (for all you non-parents out there, a binkie one of many terms for a pacifier and will become the bane of your existence until the day you inflict permanent emotional damage by ripping it away)
– baby had a blow-out (to be considered a blow-out, the poop must be on the socks – up the back – in the hair – soaked through all articles of clothing and covering at least 50% of the bed linens)
– there is puke everywhere (needs no further explanation)
– pain due to cutting of new teeth (this tireless process seems to go on for a good two years and strikes without warning)
– fever (they never seem to be less than 104 in the hours between midnight-5AM which I attribute to medical manipulation since ER visits are notoriously more expensive than standard office)
– neighborhood kids are playing in front of the house at 1AM (do these children not have parents? I’m guessing that they do but now knowing what a living hell these early years are, I am more forgiving about “absenteeism” than I used to be.  I figure by age 7 or so, the hubs and I can toss ours out in the street to play while we have wild monkey sex like we did all those years ago — the years BC — Before Children)


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