Ground beef smiley…

April 14, 2009

mud-maskThe hubs is getting pretty good at finding funny things.  Just last week we were at Walmart (the fateful trip that produced Barry’s Miata) and he noticed something on the clearance shelf.  I have to be honest, it actually took me a few seconds to *gasp* “find the funny” when he first proudly held it up as if it were his very first jock strap that he was big enough to finally fill out.  Once you look at the most awesome packaging it won’t take you long to see why I snapped the picture to share.  This midevil-torture-device-of-a mudmask is nothing short of horrifying.  There is no wonder it’s been tossed out to the clearance shelf like Miley Cyrus after sleeping with one of the Jonas Brothers.  Isn’t that impressive?  I actually am still somewhat hip enough to drop some oh-so-cool tween names into a pretty darn well structured sentence.  Never mind that the thoughts were splattered — if there’s anything I’ve learned from work, it’s all about the name dropping.

While the cover shot alone tells a thousand words:

“Molten pore cleansing action”
“Bilingual title confusion”
“Turning eyeballs inside out while simultaneously tossing a well balanced salad in your eye sockets”
“5 ounces of interrogation techniques torture”

I’ve decided to go the extra step and include the fine print that you can’t see.  I’m just good like that.

“Do not apply directly to the skin”
“May cause burning, swelling, peeling, cracking and redness”
“Wash skin immediately if exposed to glazing gel”
“Will cause blindness”
“Do not use if you suffer from any of the following symptoms: frequent nosebleeds, headaches, dizziness, dry and/or irritated eyes, skin rash, moderate to severe acne, constipation”
“Call poison control if swallowed” — something tells me that won’t be an issue.



  1. Wow. Now that a whole lot of bilingual information jammed-packed onto one pretty package. It’s a wonder how this little gem ended up on the clearance rack.

  2. ^^^ TYPO correction..please insert “is” between “that” and “a” above. I hope I didn’t just come off looking like an illiterate fool just now.

  3. How is that a face mask that you can’t apply to skin? I’m confuzzled.

  4. It’s not only funny — it’s also really scary!!!!

  5. I have used it before. I was going for a fresh-from-the-volcano look.

  6. I’m going to go buy a bag right now! I love to live on the edge!

  7. lol ive actually used this before and the crazy part is that it wasnt actually that color at all…it was pretty much clear. i was slightly disappointed

  8. Glad to see the “New & Improved” version is available. Clearence rack? Might need a little “tweaking” before it reaches ShamWow status.

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