Archive for October, 2009

h1

He is a pig…

October 28, 2009

ass-faceIf there was ever a photo that represented “a week in the life of webie gal”, this is it*.  Doesn’t that stupid little kitten think he’s just so cute.  Don’t be fooled.  A moment after this photo was snapped, there is no doubt in my mind that this kitten went crazy-from-all-the-syphilis and left at least 2 dead and another 4 injured before fleeing the scene.  See?  That’s the difference between me and a lot of other people — I can see through the disguise.

*Please do not mistake my using the term “this is it” as some shameful ploy to hype the repugnantness that is dead Michael Jackson movie-music-circus.  While I no doubt enjoy (most) of the music he left behind, I have no desire to sit through a money-grubbin’ theatrical event.  Let’s be honest…if I want to see over 90 minutes of crotch grabbing – I’ll spend an afternoon with my 4-year old son.

h1

Venus was her name…

October 25, 2009

fall-treeIt’s hard to believe it’s been a month since I last stopped, looked up the trunk of this tree, and asked a bird not to shit on my face.  Time flies when the weather is beautiful and this has been one b.e.a.utiful October.  Since I like to walk around telling people “Yeah, I take pictures that I think are good enough not to label ‘sucks balls'” I felt compelled to snap this one for comparison to the one I took in September.  The perspective – the sunlight – the oh-so-fantastic-2.0 mega pixel cell phone camera.  It’s all so portfolio worthy*.


*Never being one to do anything half-assed, I’ve decided that I’m going to plunk down the coin and actually purchase a camera that is not part of a cell or smart phone.  I owe it to the craft to stop popping all the balloons and spitting in the punch bowl and really come to the party ready for action.  This way, when the day comes that I really do piss off the wrong person at my office and get escorted out in plastic pull-zip cuffs – I’ll have naked pictures of all the right people…

h1

That’s gonna leave a mark…

October 25, 2009

Leaving the office late on Friday night I realized: I’m on a path to nowhere.

hallway-to-nowhere

Much like the main hallway after 5PM on a Friday, it seems my career is drifting into the abyss.  Sure I surround myself with extremely talented and intelligent people who lend me their expertise and guidance on a daily basis – that’s not the problem.  The problem is “the ladder”.  I find myself clinging to a rung that I’m not sure I’ll ever have the opportunity to pull up from.  Being a classic overachiever, this frustrates me and causes a restlessness that I wish I knew how to tame.  But I don’t.  I probably never will.  For some reasons, that’s a good thing – but for others, it’s a curse.

For me: it’s not about the destination, it’s about getting there.

*I heard this song while driving to the store last weekend and realized it spoke directly to how I approach just about everything I do in life.  Try to look past the “Miley Cyrusness” of it and really listen to the words.  I’d bet there are many more of you out there who will relate to this message than won’t.  It’s ok.  We won’t tease you for singing along with Cyrus.

h1

Don’t dream it’s over…

October 22, 2009

I can’t explain all the odd things I’m encountering in everyday life lately but I sure can whip out my cell phone camera and document them for further evaluation and discussion amongst myself.  I think tonight, I’ll play the role of Rita – the mild mannered office worker who only occasionally suffers from unexplained verbal outbursts and moments of spitting on the floor.

Yes…let’s see what Rita’s explanation of this is:

Ever try to get a pony through air port security?

Ever try to get a pony through air port security?

[enter Rita]

Hello all.  I’m Rita.  Thank you for the opportunity to speak with you all here tonight.  I don’t get invited out in public very often so this is a big honor for me.  I feel a bit nervous knowing that 23 or so people will have their eyes all fixed on me at once — just waiting for me to make a mistake or say something stupid so they can point and laugh.  Why are people so mean?  What makes you all feel entitled to make fun of a helpless middle-aged woman? Who the f*ck do you think you are?  Ok, sorry.  Forget it.  I don’t want to do this anymore.  I honestly don’t give a flying shit what that crap is on the floor and how it got there.  I’m beginning to question why any of you would either?  What a bunch of sheep you all are – blinding following along with anything this chick posts and commenting on her stuff as if it’s funny or the least bit interesting.  Losers.

[exit Rita]

One of two things took place in this building today.  A) the team located on the 14th floor of the neighboring building is gearing up for their big “Halloween Decorating Contest” next Friday but simulating spooky campfire scenes and offering shopping cart hay rides through the break room or B) some of my coworkers are planning a big 3-year anniversary bash* for me tomorrow complete with petting zoo and stingray feedings.  I’m secretly hoping it’s A.

*I’m Kelsey, and I AM The Home Depot (and homedepot.com) since October 23, 2006.

h1

The more things change…

October 21, 2009

There are some things in life you can always count on:

A Starbucks on every corner.
Re-runs of “Everybody Loves Raymond”.
Jon or Kate on the cover of People Magazine.

And this guy —

1021091904

still parked in the same spot for over 3 weeks now.

Seriously.  I think this person died.  I really need to let security know so they can begin checking all the stairwells.

h1

Bottom’s up…

October 18, 2009
Must be a result of all the synthetic fertilizers.

Must be a result of all the synthetic fertilizers.

Halloween humor courtesy of Webie Gal: Proudly not-at-all-exaggerating* life as I see it since March 13, 2009.

*Some people will do anything to gain an audience.  Not me.  I publish this blog first and foremost for myself, and while I do try not to offend or upset anyone with my thoughts and observations in life – I will never blatantly fabricate lies or exploit my family in the name of readership.  Let’s be honest…there’s simply nothing funny about that.

h1

Weenie Hut Jrs…

October 17, 2009

falling_down_stairsThis has become the icon of my work life lately.  It’s amazing how when you love (yes, I said “love” and yes, I know how incredibly disgusting that makes me to most of you out there) what you do – you’re willing to keep going further and further down the stairwell of office hell.  For those of you who have contacted me to ask “what the f*ck Webie Gal?” which I can only interpret as “hey chick – we think you’re the funny-pipe-ass-bomb and really miss your almost passable for being dedicated to this blog posts”, I encourage you all to follow me on Twitter.  This is the best way to get bite-sized pieces of the steaming humor droplets you’ve come to know and love.  And if you are already following me and are still asking me to “step it up” — take it down a notch, will ya?  A gal’s gotta work as long as there are kids who’ve gotta eat.

*I can’t help but notice the Braille included on this plaque and wonder………

…….you know what?  Nope.  I’m just not going to take my thoughts to ‘that place’ and open myself up to hate mail.  Those of you who know me best no doubt already know where my mind is at — and it’s a very evil-genius place.