Be a man Russ…

October 1, 2009

I know, I know…it’s been a few days.  What can I say?  I’ve been busy.  Busy photo-documenting all the bazaar-O shit that I see in day-to-day life with my trusty cell phone camera.  [Yes it’s sad that I call myself “a creative person” and don’t carry around and actual camera.  I’m sighing out loud in disbelief right along with you.]

Since I read Astrology Zone on a fairly some-what-basis, I know about cosmic events that can cause cosmic issues in life more than the average geek.    I can tell you that last month was a once-in-most-of-our-lifetimes event with how some of the various planets were aligned and the tension they were causing us.  Being one who always tries to find the funny in life – I decided to document the oddities this energy created.

Let us begin with this:

Stop rubbing your eyes.  You are seeing what I’m seeing.  It’s an elusive species to say the least.  Something once only believed to be that of folklore and FRIENDS episodes — it’s a “man bag”.  I took this picture while walking into my building and was kinda pissed about it being a bit blurry.  I really, really wanted you all to see the man bag in all it’s splendid almost-too-feminine glory.

Lucky for me (and all of you) we ended up riding the same elevator:

Look at that ginormous claw-clip!  It takes a very secure man to tote around such an outstanding piece of not-even-I-would-carry-that-thing bag.  Dude gets extra points for having a second “carry on” bag in toe.  This guy is going places and he’s packed for the trip!

Let’s move along to these:

I have very little explanation as to what the f*ck these actually are and who in their not-right mind would plunk down good coin in order to attempt wrestling a pair onto their feet.  All that I could think of while staring in wonderment at these little ‘beauts was Elf.  If I had to wear these, I’d be a very angry Elf.

But wait – there’s more:

Apparently, this is what happens when a tomato is left alone on the counter for too long.  Must have gotten bored and found “the stash”.  I know being shit-faced drunk is the only time I would even consider pulling my pants down for the world to see my golf ball-dimpled ass cheeks.  I’ve gotta give it to the wonderfruit though – very smooth cheeks.  It must to pilates.

One odd scene leads to another:

It’s pretty sad when you have to remind your neighbors to please not leave piles of dog-squeeze in front of your walkway due to the fact that we don’t want to step in it and really would prefer our young children don’t go all Stiffler* on us and snack on what they believe to be a chocolate truffle.  I know what the hubs was trying to say when he put the stickers together but for me, it just reads funny. [as in ha-ha]  Nothing like a big old pile of dog bags to really get the kids squealing with delight!  After all…plastic and children under the age of 4 go so well together.

And finally:

I know things aren’t going as smoothly as most folks would like them to be with the “Change” that we all so desperately wanted – but is that any reason to touch someone’s “O Crap!” bumper sticker?  Hell no it’s not.  Of all the things I witnessed in the past week, this was by far the most disturbing.  As the radio talking heads like to say (quoting the disaster that was “W” in 2004): elections have consequences.  Is it my fault that this catchy little slogan was the perfect cover-up for my less than stellar backing-up-in-a-mid-town-parking-garage abilities?  No.  So I would ask everyone to keep your filthy fingers off my filthy car.

*As a public service announcement: I would warn against searching YouTube for the term “eating shit”.  Trust me — no one needs to see that.



  1. Looks like the person that tried to deface your “O” sticker is just another angry Democrat. I hate to tell them “I told ya so”, but…..

  2. I had to look twice to verify those were actually shoes. And are you still having problems with the Crazy Poo-Dog Lady? I would have thought she would have quit that crap a long time ago.

    Crap… see how I can make the funny?

    • Oh, those really were shoes. Not shoes I’d attempt to wear but shoes none-the-less. Our neighbors seem to all lack the common sense we’d hope most would have when dealing with “rules of dog elimination”. On the bright side, our flowers have never grown so big and beautiful. That crap works!

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