Don’t dream it’s over…

October 22, 2009

I can’t explain all the odd things I’m encountering in everyday life lately but I sure can whip out my cell phone camera and document them for further evaluation and discussion amongst myself.  I think tonight, I’ll play the role of Rita – the mild mannered office worker who only occasionally suffers from unexplained verbal outbursts and moments of spitting on the floor.

Yes…let’s see what Rita’s explanation of this is:

Ever try to get a pony through air port security?

Ever try to get a pony through air port security?

[enter Rita]

Hello all.  I’m Rita.  Thank you for the opportunity to speak with you all here tonight.  I don’t get invited out in public very often so this is a big honor for me.  I feel a bit nervous knowing that 23 or so people will have their eyes all fixed on me at once — just waiting for me to make a mistake or say something stupid so they can point and laugh.  Why are people so mean?  What makes you all feel entitled to make fun of a helpless middle-aged woman? Who the f*ck do you think you are?  Ok, sorry.  Forget it.  I don’t want to do this anymore.  I honestly don’t give a flying shit what that crap is on the floor and how it got there.  I’m beginning to question why any of you would either?  What a bunch of sheep you all are – blinding following along with anything this chick posts and commenting on her stuff as if it’s funny or the least bit interesting.  Losers.

[exit Rita]

One of two things took place in this building today.  A) the team located on the 14th floor of the neighboring building is gearing up for their big “Halloween Decorating Contest” next Friday but simulating spooky campfire scenes and offering shopping cart hay rides through the break room or B) some of my coworkers are planning a big 3-year anniversary bash* for me tomorrow complete with petting zoo and stingray feedings.  I’m secretly hoping it’s A.

*I’m Kelsey, and I AM The Home Depot (and homedepot.com) since October 23, 2006.


One comment

  1. Petting zoo AND stingray feedings. Your coworkers obviously hold you in high regard.

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